tales of a texan with a brand new stetson

So yeah, what's up?

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 01:24:32 GMT

I haven't had much to report. I am still working, paying bills (except I forgot to pay rent till today; that late fee will teach me but good!) attempting to pay off people I owe money to, if you re on the list don't worry I'll get to you .. eventually.

Some news on the job front, not sure if it is good or bad. I'll be moving to 2nd shift next week. So the good news is I'll be able to go out and enjoy life more. the bad news is I'll be able to go out and spend money enjoying life. Also this just makes me like my job a little bit more making it that much harder for me to continue to look for a new job. I think last week I sent out all of 2 resumes.

The dog is still a mess, tho she has grown back a lot of coat so looks less like a fall out victim I answered a craigslist ad regarding a woman wanting to re-home her Neapolitan Mastiff but thankfully I came to my senses and didn't pull the trigger on that. I really miss my big lug, and I really like having a pack of dogs. but now is not the time to take on more responsibility and expense.

I am not happy. I don't know why, I stopped watching what I eat and haven't really exercised since I hurt my back 2 weeks ago. I need to fix that. but I lack motivation. I should be happy with what I have and where I am at, happy but striving for better. Right that's how Americans are suppose to be right? I am not, I don't like where I am have no idea where I want to go, or a clue on how to get there. I am starting to understand those guys that get married and have their wives make all the choices it's not that they are spineless they are just unaware of what they want. I lack focus? is that what it is? I don't know anymore, and sadly it seems I care less a bit more every day. as it stands by the time I get everyone paid off, I may just move and reinvent myself maybe if I don't have a past I can have a future? ... shrug this got far to self introspective for LJ, so I am just going to stop now.

So yeah, I hurt

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 12:22:26 GMT

I did something to my back on Wednesday, and here it is Saturday and it is still hurting. because of this I have punked out on doing push-ups the last several days. Maybe tomorrow but today I just want to lay down.

So yeah, Another year

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:54:58 GMT

I had a great time last night with my friends We drank, we laughed, and the coolest amongst our group wore hats!

and then I came home all drunkly and then

So yeah, a Saturday off

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 12:55:24 GMT

After yesterdays technical failure, I decided to redo day # on the 100 push-up chart. I must say the human body is a strange sack of water and goo. I Won't say I breezed through it as it was work and there was grunting, but I did it in the set/times listed. So I celebrate ? sure ... with a breakfast taco :( I am a week week man I am.

In other non-pushing on the carpet news I went shopping and think I got almost two weeks worth of grub for 40 bucks ... please don't ask what I am eating for the next two weeks it is mildly embarrassing.

I have a fucking Saturday off, and I work 2pm-10pm Sunday then back to 10pm-6am Monday so yeah for all intents I have a weekend off and no plans this I feel calls for some serious drinking. Last weekend was fun and all but man nothing ruins a great drunk like a responsibility late with a double shot of adrenaline (wow a coffee reference from me who woulda thought)

(PS. pie if you apologize I will punch you ... hard )

so yeah, sleep all out of whack

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 20:40:25 GMT

Most of you know I tend to avoid web comics.

so yeah, haven't given up

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 11:44:01 GMT

.... yet

100 push-ups day 3 just about killed me, the last 3 sets got broken up into about 7 sets my only saving grace is I wasn't taking a full 2 minutes tween sets. I don't think I am anywhere near ready to move on to week two and will most likely repeat day 3 2 or 3 more times. was this a memberably hard day for anyone else?

so yeah, extremes

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 09:37:22 GMT

Today has been about extremes for some reason. I ate more than normal even after the bloat fest that was this weekend. I slept more than normal (had to fight to stay awake at work and failed a few times)

so yeah, me too

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 11:40:24 GMT

seems like half the world is on the 100 push-up plan ... wonder how many will be on it after 2 weeks :)

I finished up "day two" bumped from the middle to high level for the increased challenge ... and it was.

I didn't go quite to exhaustion today, but with in a couple. I think I will be ok until week 4 I hope by then I actually grow a little stamina

So yeah, Just a little darker

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 12:37:29 GMT

Today I took out my old tiny A/C unit from my kitchen window as I haven't used it in days even with the temp over 100. This allowed me to better black out that window. As a result my room is now less than one or two lums of light, Ahh, I almost can't wait to go to sleep today in near total darkness.

So yeah, success/reward

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 20:04:07 GMT

I hit the 15 lbs lost mark and decided that it needed to be rewarded.... so I purchased the season 1 set of Mad Men ... in the cool phaux-zipo case even .... it seemed a better choice than a cheesecake ...Mmmm cheesecake ....

So yeah, finally

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 05:31:42 GMT

I got a bike, for the can't argue price of free. I can't remember the brand, but it has one. the ride height seems about perfect, but the handle bars (is there a fancy bike term for handle bars?) could prolly be raised a couple inches, Tomorrow I hope to get it in to a shop for new tubes and tires and a general once over. (what should I expect to pay for this service anyway? ) I hope to have photos of it up soon, so gnat23 and acko can tell me how low rent my ride really is.

Pizza!!

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 08:04:08 GMT

How much does the pizza man love me?

So Yeah, Allow me to be ...

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 23:28:44 GMT

3 weeks ago I started being serious about my weight loss. I was going up again after dropping a few lbs once I started this job; I knew I had to do something. I read a couple books, and got software to help track stuff (lord I love data, some days I think I missed my calling as a DBA) So it started out fun enough, inputing foods, and calories and such; fun in an organized your CD rack sort of way. I felt (and still really feel) that the daily allowance is too high, and that what I am entering is lower than reality (so between the two maybe there is a balance) I am not subscribing to any "diet" or anything rather just taking a "your done when your done" approach. I still eat anything I want, just now I am normally done eating for the day after one maybe one and a half meals. If anything I am learning the difference between wanting to eat and hunger.

A little side story here if I may. As a few of you know and well I guess the rest of you too now, I was homeless, like honest to god living under a bridge homeless, for 4 months while I was in Milwaukee and during that times like that you learn what hunger really is, and now I guess as soon as I think that maybe just maybe I could feel like that again I immediately reach for the bacondoublecheeseburger as insurance from that feeling again, and well now I am having to learn to separate the two.

So here it is 3 weeks later, and yeah I guess my waistline isn't testing limits of my jeans anymore, but I sure don't feel better (or worse) I still have an impressive beer gut, and chubby boy face, and feet still feel way too small for my body (that last one is unrelated to anything) I spend most of my waking day thinking "yeah I could eat" and gum is my new hobby. Ohh for those of you that care about such things I am down 14 lbs from my start date of 7/6/8. which is more than I think I should be at, so I assume a good chunk of that is water from 1.) sweating in the Texas moonlight 2.) not drinking enough water. So I expect (hope) I don't lose anymore weight this next week.

So yeah, rituals

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:46:38 GMT

I should probably find a lower calorie one, but nothing beats eating mexican food while reading the onion on a Friday morning after a long night of "working"

So what do you do after work on a Friday?

So yeah, internets

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:22:38 GMT

I turned off my computer on Tuesday around 6 am, disassembled all the stuff on my desk, and moved said desk to another part of my room to allow the repair guys access to my A/C unit. They replaced it on Tuesday Ohh glorious A/C how I love you so. on Wednesday there were back to fix all the drywall that got yanked out Tuesday, by the time they left it was way past my bed time. So today, Thursday I finally get to hook my computer back up once I get home.

So looking forward to being back in the saddle again.

So yeah

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 18:07:36 GMT

Repair man installed new ac but the dry wall etc will take hours more my computer is off line as my desk is right under said ac i miss you all

ps clare you rock

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 17:24:38 GMT

wow Alan Cumming in a role that not only do I not despise him in, but don't think it could have been played better by anyone else.

So yeah, never stops being funny

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 17:07:01 GMT

I laugh every time I see homeless people reading The Onion

So yeah,

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 10:21:39 GMT

I want fried chicken ... at 5:30 am :((

So yeah, you take the good and you take the ...

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:39:09 GMT

I manage to some how sleep almost 12 hours today ....
but at least I didn't over eat

So yeah, Beer

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 03:40:06 GMT

maybe mine sister, gnat23 will see this, but I tried Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout last night, and despite the experts high ratings, I found it pretty bad over all. I vote this a skip.

so yeah, YAY

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 05:36:10 GMT

I got to talk to one of my dearest friends for almost 2 hours tonight. I feel so warm and yay'ful right now .... :)

So yeah, at the office alone, alone all all alone

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 10:40:00 GMT

I am slowly starting to sink into the daily grind; accepting my place and position here not feeling the need to buck the system or reach beyond the bare minimums of my job. Which as things are playing out is becoming smaller and smaller in scope. I don't think this is leading me to happiness but with acceptance comes less stress. my duties are now becoming that of repetition and minimal compliance. Even the projects are of little real challenge mostly things to do in between not working. I have only a few more weeks till my 90 day review and that will no doubt set in motion the wheels that have been gummed up by my own procrastination and complacency as I start the whole process of looking for a new employment. The two factors that keep me here now still remain:
1.) I have this job
2.) I am really spoiled by working downtown
to the point I find it wholly acceptable to continue to work for this low pay rate for the foreseeable future. based on my completely non-scientific measures I say working downtown is woth some where around 12-15K a year in salary. I really is that nice having a micro-commute to work.

However the things that I make me unhappy about this job in no particular order:
1.) 3rd shift with no foreseeable change
2.) working every weekend ( possible change to allow me 1 weekend a month off, barely acceptable)
3.) total lack of advancement both in title and pay (yearly raises are almost unheard of here)
4.) my manager is a dillhole
5.) the owner is a tightwad that sees no value in employee moral
6.) lack of procedure process and accountability is madding (this is something I think I could actually improve given time and effort)

I know I whined for months about not having a job, then I bitch about the one I got, I swear I am not a teenager... I swear ...

I have yet to get a bike, between bills and other expenses I didn't make it a priority and as a result the 10 lbs I lost from my first month of employment are now are a net loss of 6 lbs as my second month wraps up. I am concerned by this trend, and will endeavor to make the changes I need to.

"Life is nothing more than the collection of choices we make" I am not sure where that quote comes from I am pretty sure I would never have come up with something so clever on my own, but honestly I don't know who to credit.

I have been thinking a lot about priorities this last month, and a lot more about the will, and convection to hold true to those priorities. I find myself often conflicted on how I spend my money. I owe a lot of you a lot of money, but at the same time I feel the need to reward my work with "stuff" be it thinks like new pants for work, or window shopping for a new phone, or planning out a new PC. No matter how I seem to spend my money I seem to always feel umm, guilty? about where it went. I try to form budgets and stick to them, but man, for someone so good at math I am horrid with cash ;)

The easy answer to this issue of course is " make more money" ... that takes me back up to the top of this post, huh?

I also am starting to become more concerned with my complacency towards being single. For the last couple years it was easy to say " I don't have a job, what woman would want me" ... but in all reality that doesn't seem to matter. No the core of the issue I think may lie more in my own self worth, and how I present that to the public world. I am not sure what needs to change, but something does, part of my problems is I no longer have any desire to go on "first dates" any more. 3-4 years ago I went on a lot of them, maybe I used them all up?

I am not ever sure if a lifemate is my goal (girlfriend sounds so .. umm teenagerish) but if nothing else am sure bartley and dirtyunclerod would like it if I found someone new to hang out with ;)

This weekend I am off and I am excited to get to spend part of that time with ded23x as he heads up this way for the first time in many years. I plan to get drunk and remind myself that I can act like a teenag.. ohh wait nevermind ...

So Yeah, I was asked ....

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 06:37:49 GMT

Reply to this post with a comment saying "Interview me" or something of an equally pithy nature. I will reply with five questions, which you will ideally answer in your own LJ.

Here are my questions from radixx

1: What is your most indelible Nincon memory?

For those that don't know Nincon was a yearly gathering of the members of the usenet group alt.usic.nin and the EFnet IRC channel #amnin. (yes I was "on the internet" before the internet had pictures) These are the people more than any other group I call my friends.

Well, I am sure the best moments of nincon, I have no memory of. I would love to know how I got back to the hotel that one night I wondered off on my own. But in all honesty the moment that defined nincon for me was in 2000 and we were all sitting around describing this Utopian commune we would create using our combined talents and the marketability of videos of Joey in the shower. That feeling of truly connecting with people that are were so very different, and knowing that given the chance to write our own rules we would do so much better. ( as long as we could create income with photos of Joey naked)

2: What public figure has been influential on your life?

Hmm, This is a far more difficult question the more I think about it. There are a lot of people of note that I respect and admire for one reason or another. However few people truly have a direct influence on my life in the sense that I aspire to reflect aspects of themselves in my own life. This may come across as a total cop-out but it is truthful and honest. gnat23 is the public figure I feel most influenced by (she was in Forbes so that counts right?) Through the years I have know her I have see her struggle with the same issues and troubles we all face and some that are unique to her. She has done this all with a grace and the (appearance of) self confidence that we all should strive to achieve, and most importantly she always seems to be improving herself not only physically and mentally but also her own sense of self as well. For these reasons and many more I am proud to call her my big sis (and more so that she sees me as her little brother) ... now if we could only explain how it is I am the older one ... ahh the mysteries of the universe ....

3: Do you feel like the way people perceive you had changed now that you've cut your hair?

My friends once past the " wow where is all your hair" still see me as the same person I once was and only a few do I catch staring at my forehead as we talk ... I now have a inkling of an idea how women feel when people talk to their breasts.

Strangers on the other hand yes very different. I feel like I am taken more seriously and treated with more respect. Over all it has been a great experience for me; but man do I miss all my hair most days, can I blame it one being a leo ?

4: Is there an article of clothing that makes you feel good to wear.

Finally an easy one, and short to answer. Yes. my black leather "biker" jacket that has the Texas flag on the back. The irony of it is I get to wear it maybe 2 months out of the year here in the Lone Star state.

5: Deescribe your perfect meal, all elements including company, atmosphere, etc. .

Wow, this answer would be very different depending on some givens, but as I get to make up all the rules here goes:

It would be huge and festive, dozen or more of my friends, representing all the circles I am in; a fun meal for me and 20 people. It would last for hours as we talked and ate; joked and drank and most importantly laughed. It would be in celebration of nothing more than I have done a pretty good job of befriending only the most amazing people I have encountered. My guest list would include local favorites like Rod, Clare and Edward, Nathan, Joshua and Mary, My beloved Ninnies like Shara, Greg, Andrij, Chriz, John and Jody, and yes even you sir, A few musicians I know and love, and finally Special guests would include My close friend Bartley, My closer friend Rachel, My big sis Gnat and My hetro lifemate Andrew. Many more people would be there but you get the idea. I would have Zoe Keating come and play during dinner. The meal itself would be a big southern style "Sunday dinner" with a lot of everything being passed around our giant table as people said " Ohh you have to try some of this" and even a few things like " of course there is bacon in the green beans ... duh"

So yeah, I am not getting younger

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 05:02:42 GMT

I am trying to take better care of myself while still keeping the fun in my life. I want to lose some of my spare tire, but I still want to eat all the yummy foods that got me this fat. I find myself playing games if I do this I can have that etc .. seems so childish. I should treat myself with more respect and maturity. I am trying to get serious about a gym membership, but honestly will that do anything for me ? I mean it costs nothing to do more now, but I don't. Will spending the money motivate me to go? and if so doesn't that link back to earlier about me being childish with my own dangling carrots? I feel like such a mess lately, almost on the nat level of crazy ( no offense nat) I am not sleeping much and I am not satisfied with pretty much any facet of my life right now; how is it getting a job paying bills, slowly getting out of debt ( seriously guys, your money is coming) and I feel worse off than I did 3 months ago? or do I ? have already forgotten how bad off I was back then? it all feels like a blur to me right now. I think maybe I need a roommate, maybe that would shake things up. " One 35 year old white fat man with a sad mostly hairless dog seeks fun and up beat roommate to remind me how to have fun. " yeah I'll get that ad in the personals right away ... heh.